Ah, it’s okay. It’d be nice to go with you too one day. Besides selling games, there were several tables in the back of the convention with CRT TVs and various consoles. There were arcade machines too. My brother tried showing me something in the game Rondo Of Blood, but kept failing and got a game over. Maybe because it was on real hardware, or because I was watching. There was also a N64 with Smash Bros. 64, which we played a match of, as we didn’t six or seven years ago, and it upset my brother then, so we had to play a match now if we came across a console running it. I think that’s all I have to say about the gaming expo…
Rhythm games are fun, but I’m not very good at them, or maybe it’s just Pop’n Music I’m bad at. DDR only has four buttons, but I couldn’t do it on the dance pad. I’d feel too embarrassed to try. To share the last of the games that I bought, I got Castle Shikigami 2 for the PS2 by the really enthusiastic recommendation of my brother. Not only is it a shmup, I genre I like and want to play more of outside of Touhou, but he said that it has terrible voice acting, saying that the English voice actors were confused when looking at the script. It’s also Roger Craig Smith’s, the current voice actor of Sonic, first video game role, that he was asked to do immediately when he got the call for it. Yesterday really made me appreciate my brother more, which is great! I really do love him, but he always gets me upset over petty things, which he jokingly acknowledged on the ride home. There were a few voice actors at booths there, so I ended up meeting Quinton Flynn, as both my brother and I were familiar with a few of his roles. We just went up and said hello, he was a really nice guy. I definitely want his autograph if I ever see him again. Yesterday was really fun…
I'm very mediocre at rhythm games... I can really only do difficulty 25 and below in PJSK, and only because my phone is good... Back in high school, I could do up to 26, but then I took a long break because of lack of motivation.. Especially after getting that super high rank on one of the events. Top 2000 on "Break Down The Wall", Kohane's portion of that event. I'm still really proud of that. Even if it blew out one of my old phone's speakers.... But I'm really glad you had fun at the convention. I hope I can go to one like that one day, maybe with you. I don't really know what else to say here, sorry.
Unfortunately we won’t be meeting any time soon, I wish we could, though… Umm, I got Sonic Heroes and Shadow The Hedgehog for the GameCube, so I can actually play those now. Sonic Heroes runs at half the frame rate when I play it on my computer, and it’s not fun with a keyboard. My brother and I finally got a version of Guilty Gear to play on the PS2, Guilty Gear X2. The artwork on the character select screen is amazing, the screen itself is also great too. Most video game menus don’t look as interesting these days, if you compare recent titles. I got DDR: Mario Mix because my father specifically said not to. Only the game though, the dance pad would’ve made the price unreasonable, and you can still play with a controller. We got Smash Bros. 64 and Mario Kart 64. Ah, here I am telling you all about it anyways. It’s all I can think of to talk about…
Talking about it on here is at least better for now, since I have no idea when we would meet, considering you're in college and such. I imagine you're a very busy person with all of that going on. And I love DDR!!! (sorry for not responding to the other games, I simply do not know what to say about them..) I played DDR at this overnight gaming place one time and it sparked my love for it ever since. I'm not very good, but I love using my legs to play it regardless. I think I just played on the second easiest difficulty back then. I never really got the chance to play again. Especially now that I live in a middle of nowhere town, there's definitely no places with a half decent DDR machine. The pad is stupidly expensive, unfortunately.... You can buy a sort of mat that functions as a dance pad, but it just isn't the same as stomping on that sturdy floor... I've never played Smash Bros. 64, but I liked the Wii version... I used to play that in the "basement" of this house my mom worked at... It was really fun.. I'm horrible at the game though... I played Ultimate with some friends one time, and got really frustrated at not being able to understand the switch controls since I never played it...
It’s okay to try out different names for a little while, I was “Rin” last year for a few days, but I’ll always return to what I’m comfortable with, what is truly “me”. My name is Marisa! If I came out publicly, I’d most likely go with that name. And I started working on my Yume Nikki fan game out of spite, seeing my brother barely use whatever game engine he uses over the summer. I got so frustrated, but I didn’t make much progress myself. I shouldn’t continue making a game born from negative emotions like that, but one day I’ll return to it. My mother took me and my brother out to a gaming convention today. It was really fun to look around, and talk about video games with people. I feel that I talked more today than I ever in my entire life. My voice was hurting towards the end of the day, and most of my talking was done in the car on the way there. I like talking to my mother. My brother and I walked around and bought a handful of games, it’s a lot, really, with my mother pitching in because our birthday is close. A lot of it was going “oh my god” at the crazy high prices. I saw Dragon Warrior IV, complete in box for $350. Then I turned around to the booth on the other side and bought ドラゴンクエストIV for only $20. I mentioned it this morning, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, so it’s cool that I have a real copy of it, even if I can’t read or even play it. American games are so expensive… I want to tell you everything about today, it was so fun, but I’d really rather talk to you in person about it, and show you the pictures I took along with me telling you about it…
I see, I'll try and remember that you've switched back to Marisa. Makes it easier on my head that way, anyways... And I don't think that making a game out of negative emotions is too bad, since once you get the game done to your liking, it can be a form of catharsis. At least, that's how I think. And it gives you something to do, and can serve as a creative outlet if you don't feel like writing or drawing. Stuff like that, y'know! Going to a convention like that sounds way more like a sort of thing I'd do instead of the convention I was forced to go to last year... Since my housemates are all furries (not saying that's a bad thing) I was forced to go to this Megaplex thing. And it wasn't bad, but I was way out of my comfort zone and I could barely recognize any characters from the artist alley area. I ended up buying a nice splatoon plushie for like, 10 dollars that I found on the ground. Still has the Japanese tag on it and everything!! My brother was super jealous, since he's way more into splatoon than I am. I hope Dragon Warrior IV is a fun game. I don't know much about it, but I have a feeling it's an older game. You talk about talking about all of this stuff in person as if we're going to meet this month or something...
I don’t think I’d feel comfortable touching your chest, even if you wanted me to. I’m sure the same goes for you. It might just be some dumb anime trope. End Roll will be the next RPG I play as I said before. I’ll start writing tonight, as I’m busy all day. With RPGs I haven’t played before, I’m interested in Dragon Quest IV for the NES, and Live-A-Live for the SFC. I’m thinking that you should get me playing Limbus Company as soon as I’m comfortable and not to where you’ll need to make sure I’m okay mentally constantly when living together, as I’m a little hesitant to play it. Its average RPG length is fine, it’s just that it’s ongoing, it could end up longer than a modern Persona game one day… Going to the mall is always fun. I become an adult soon, as sad as it is to have not spent my childhood and teenage years to the fullest, how I wanted to, I can totally shave my whole body now, and go out and buy feminine clothing! I could spend hours in those stores, and trying on different skirts and dresses… Buy something nice for yourself!
Yeah, I wouldn't really be comfortable touching yours. Especially while you're on HRT, since I hear it makes people more sensitive. I can only imagine that would probably make you incredibly uncomfortable. And I hope that your essay goes well about End Roll. I think I looked it up once, but decided it wasn't for me. And I'd love to get you to play Limbus Company. The game is a little frustrating at times with the amount of grinding one must do, but that's like... normal rpg stuff. And I'd be fine with checking in on you every so often just to make sure you're doing alright. The last thing I'd want is for your mental state to become worse due to my presence. Yeah, I love going into malls, but rarely ever actually get to go to one. And hopefully your father doesn't say anything bad about you shaving fully. Or you dressing in clothing that you're more comfortable in. Make up for your childhood years with your adult years. Also the Yume Nikki fangame seems to be coming along nicely. I hope you continue working on it, whenever you can.
You could try eating more. If it came down to me having to do that for chest growth, I’d want you to eat just as much as me, even if you aren’t on estrogen yet. For moral support… https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7115116 There’s also massaging the chest area, but I’m not sure if that actually works.. You could keep a mental note of how far in the video you are, that’s what I always do.. I want to cuddle up and play retro games with you… There’s so many old RPGs to play, it’d be nice to experience them with you, if you’re interested. Limbus Company is a long RPG, right? I think you could get into the genre. I want to get warm and cozy with you.. We both like to listen to videos to help us fall asleep, but I was thinking that just the soft breathing of one another would also be good for that… https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7125899
I don't have any issues eating aside from my stomach capacity being as small as it is. And I have a slight feeling that massaging that area is just an excuse to grope at their partner.... There might be some truth to it, but I can't imagine it would make very much of a difference... My head is always so cluttered with stuff that if I lose focus for even a few minutes, I tend to forget what I was trying to remember unless I really drilled it into my brain. And I'd like to play through some of the old games you like, and I can introduce you to the games I like. Limbus company is very long, and still ongoing. It's all voiced in Korean aside from a few exceptions (that will be voiced in the future) I've played RPGs before too, I beat the entirety of Persona 5 Royal one time in about a week or two on a summer break, so I'm not a stranger to that sort of gameplay either. And I think that hearing you next to me would be.. unfamiliar. Considering I've never slept with anyone, obviously. So I'd need to get used to it. But over time, it could definitely replace the videos I use.
I tried to find visual examples, like in this drawing on the right. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6871247 And this one on the left. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=4620427 Reimu and Marisa showed up in the small selection of images. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6346614 Anyways, it’s something cute and casual. I could wear it on a date, or when lounging around the house. It doesn’t matter much, but I imagine our difference in chest sizes. I’m fine as long as yours end up bigger than mine. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=3718817 I’ve also been thinking about my voice. Basically any cute voice I hear, I think “I want to sound like that”. Manhattan Cafe’s voice in this video. https://youtu.be/hmNBaQHfWWY Or this video.. https://youtu.be/zPxxtyoyICE Defoko has a nice voice too.. https://youtu.be/5i8p1LPYBkI She’s actually wearing a pinafore dress in this animation, she looks really cute… https://youtu.be/R48CNjkGnjg Defoko is just so pretty… https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6497491 Ah, that’s an ideal chest size for me… https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6494490
I see, I think that dress would look very pretty on you. It's a really nice looking dress. I'm planning on going to the mall on my birthday, so I'll see if they have those there. I already took off work on my birthday, and I'd rather not just rot at home on that day, like I did last year. There's a bunch of feminine stores there, so hopefully I can find one you might like. I'll watch those videos later, since I don't want to lose the progress on the one I'm currently listening to, since youtube hates keeping my progress for some reason. Also, as far as I'm aware, my mother, and her mother didn't have a very large chest. I don't quite understand how cup sizes work, (and don't really want to look at pictures of my mom to see her chest.) But as far as I remember, they were around the medium-small range. So there's not a lot of potential for me, unless I do some strange things or take stuff to specifically increase breast growth.
Yuuri said at the end the being alive was the point of living, I don’t remember word for word, and I don’t want to reread it so soon, but to me it sounded like something you would say to me… I’m not concerned with the size of my breasts, as long as they’re noticeable… Your dreams seem weirder than mine, no fair… I’ve been thinking about clothes I want to wear.. The dress with straps on it is called a pinafore dress, so a black or dark colored pinafore dress or skirt, a white or black turtleneck shirt, a white or black pantyhose, and pink panties and matching bra… Colors vary depending on what I’m already wearing… It’s not important right now, but I wanted to get that thought out there… I’m tired..
I would definitely say that if I were feeling hopeful, but my mindset changes drastically depending on how I feel and my living environment. And having a overactive imagination, along with archiving my dreams lead to being able to remember/perceive my dreams a lot easier. I used to have dreams that somewhat predicted the future, like what classroom I'd be in a few days from then. Dumb simple stuff like that. And I'll keep that outfit in mind.. I'd need some sort of visual in order to actually process how that'd look. (without the panties, obviously. I'm no pervert...) But I think it'd look sorta cute. Maybe professional looking, I'm not exactly sure.
I’m 5’6! I’m still short! I don’t feel comfortable with eating large portions of food, we can see where I’m at with six months or a year on estrogen before trying that. I have one class on Fridays, and it was over in less than an hour, so I went down to the library, ate my lunch, and finished reading Girls’ Last Tour, volumes five and six. I read one through four last Friday, and then went home disappointed that I didn’t bring the entire series with me to read in one day, but it’s fine. The ending always gets me so emotional, tears streaming down my face even as I’m leaving the library, and going to get my scooter to leave college. Chapter thirty five, I didn’t remember, but it’s one of my favorite chapters now. Yuuri’s drawing, the last piece of human art, put right next to the first piece of human art, made me tear up a little. Especially with me having an Art History class. And I found myself really relating, seeing myself in Chito, especially towards the end. I don’t really see myself in Yuuri much. What she says in chapter forty seven reminded me of you, I think it’s something that you would say. This song ( https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ch-TDGW-zXs&start_radio=1&pp=ygUZd2hpdGUgd2FraW5nIGxlcyByYWxsaXplc6AHAQ%3D%3D&ra=m ) played in my head throughout the entirety of reading volume six, and I don’t about the lyrics, I don’t have a translation, but the way it sounds really fits with the end of Chito and Yuuri’s journey to me. It’s such a beautiful series, I think that I like it a bit more than Shimeji Simulation. Reading it was also actively reminded me of this video I saw last night ( https://youtu.be/sa5POUA0yN8 ). I was reminded that Thunderbolts* was the one Marvel movie in recent years that I actually liked, and it was the one that I skipped seeing in theaters because all the others were bad. It’s probably the only Marvel movie that I’m actually interested in. It all came together to make me cry a lot this afternoon.
I see... And not eating a bunch at one time is normal, but your "diet" will definitely need to include more food per day in general. All of that new mass can't come from nowhere, unfortunately. And I've always thought of myself, or at least aspired to be more like Yuuri than Chito. Her carefree nature is something I really admire and wish to become someday. Completely carefree, not worrying about anything aside from eating and living day by day the way that I want. And what do you mean by what she says in chapter 37, what specifically..? Anyways, I've never really been too interested in marvel, or any of the big super hero franchises. They just seem boring to me. Sorry for the much shorter response, I just don't know what else to say. I just woke up at the time of writing. I dreamt someone broke into my old house, and I had him at gunpoint as I took away the knife he used to break in, and was threatening to sue the hell out of him.
Oh, I’ll probably be under this name for a while, if not forever. (It’s so cute.) You could tell him. You’re still comfortable with your name, Ray/Rachel, right? I don’t know why I can’t find a name so easily like others around me. What’s happened to him for him to say something like that? Did he mention me publicly? I scrolled through his account a few days ago, and found no mention of me. Which makes sense, he does have a private account, so I stayed up late for nothing. Not for nothing I guess, it was nice to see what he was up to. How’s Kim doing as well? I think I’m under one hundred twenty pounds, around one hundred ten or just one hundred, and I know I’ll lose weight if I live with you. I’m really self conscious about it, I actually have cut junk food out of my diet entirely. To the best for my ability, I’ll eat healthy. I had a slice of cake after not eating junk food for about two weeks, and it gave me a bad tummy ache. Eating healthy is important for your hair. I want to exercise as well, with you. By that I mean I want to take turns playing Wii Fit with you. I think it’s be fun together. I want to be able to talk about my stomach issues with you, but I’m self conscious knowing that’s all my father thinks our relationship is… Despite eating healthy, I still have frequent… you know… I want to share a weird dream of a custom kaizo Mario level I just had. There was a custom object that was a creepy silhouette where only the eyes were visible, something out of an analog horror. The silhouette was as tall as the screen’s height, and would act as a Koopa’s shell, bouncing of off Mario, but only if Mario was facing its direction. Mario’s sprite was edited to have these “special sunglasses” that we’re supposed to protect him. The level and all the fast paced movements that had to be made were really cool, even though the silhouette was a little scary… I want to make that level one day.
I'm okay with my name for now, I don't really feel a need or want to change it. I've grown to really like it. I'm still having trouble mentally referring to myself as such, but it's simply a learning process. And no, he mentioned you by name only in reference to what you said to him. I believe it had something to do with a friend he made on twitter, and then found out that friend was kinda awful and performative. And he doesn't really post publicly much, out of fear of being stalked by irls. I don't hear much from Kim, since her parents check her stuff very often now, according to her. And just so you know, once you start estrogen, you absolutely will need to eat a good amount if you want to properly transition. I hear it helps with chest growth too. And from what it seems, it doesn't really matter what you eat. I've seen very properly transitioned people who look genuinely good, and they said they ate fast food most of the time. Burgers and such from Wendy's, I believe? From that specific example, at least. And I figured you'd be a bit lighter than me, considering your height. What was it, like.. 5'8..? Somewhere around there, I think. Shorter than me, as far as I'm aware. And that seems like a really cool dream, even if the silhouette was creepy. I had a dream last night that I was a girl in school who, somehow by walking through a door, simply died and my body ceased to exist. The layout was awfully similar to my workplace (the place where I died is almost the exact same as the place I clean often when I'm bored.) My audio log says that there was a piece of paper taped onto the door that says "Death by stubbed toe" And everyone ignored me and I just went around pranking people and eating whatever I wanted at the cafeteria. And then for some reason, the me in the dream just decided to rewind time and revive, and so it just happened. And then I went home and played games, got bored, and then woke up. The me making that audio log sounds funny.
Also, is there anyone you want me to tell about your name change? Shimelie actually mentioned you recently in passing, saying that you were right to say to never make friends on twitter.
There’s just a lot all going on at once I guess. Things in the past and present. It’s too much. If only you were here with me, I want to cuddle with you. It’d be disrespectful to try pursuing anyone romantically, especially, especially this girl that I don’t even remember the name of. I have no interest in dating anyone, or romance. I just want friends. Could you carry me like this one day? ( https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=3489764 ) It’s not anything weird… Ever since the sixth grade, I’ve always wanted to be carried, or suspended in midair by my tummy with a rope or something. Chito does it in volume three of Girls’ Last Tour, I think it’s cute.
I'd have to be really strong in order to carry you with only one arm.. And from what I remember, you weigh.. 120..? Maybe less..? That's a lot to carry, for me at least. I'd like nothing more than to be there with you, supporting you through your college. If it were at all possible, I would do it without a second thought. And, again, I'm happy that you're wanting to get friends at college. I hope they treat you well, whoever they may be. And Mara is a nice nickname. And I apologize for my slow responses, I'm at work at the moment (even if I am just doing computer stuff right now ("compliance" they call it.) )
What was your boyfriend like? Why’d you break up? Does that mean you’ve had thoughts of being the little spoon in a relationship? What’s it like for you? I find a lot of black haired girl characters relatable. Tomoko, Chito, Shijima, Osage-chan, Yukiko. It’s so much so that I want to dye my hair black. I said earlier that I want to write a video essay of my own. I want to talk about End Roll. I think I’ll start writing tomorrow afternoon, or over the weekend. I’ve been feeling very suicidal lately. I know that if it ever comes down to it, there’s that bridge from last year not too far away from the college I go to. I Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have this English class. It made me love writing. But, there’s this girl in my class. She’s cute, and like all cute girls, I’m envious of her. And more importantly, she looks like Charlotte. Just, shorter. It’s obviously not a one to one resemblance, and my memory of what she looks like is a little hazy, but it’s enough to where I immediately thought of Charlotte upon seeing her on my second day of college. It really bothers me, and it’s causing me to just stare at this girl. I feel horrible and uncomfortable from myself. I would like to become friends with her.
He was.. Immature. Too immature for my liking. This was back when I was 15. One day I just kind of despised him because of how he acted. Either that or it was a series of building tension between me and him and I ended up never talking to him again. To this day I still don't like thinking about him. Anyways, I'd like to see that video essay, if you ever decide to make it. And is there any particular reason you're feeling suicidal? Or is it just a vague feeling? If there's anything I can do to help, don't hesitate to say so. And I'm happy that you're wanting to become friends with people at your college now. The only thing I hope is that you dont try and pursue a romantic relationship with her instead of me. I know that's worded weirdly.
I feel that I’m Tomoko in this relationship.. I just feel a kinship with Tomoko in general, she’s always in the back of my mind.. But I don’t want to downplay your mental health or anything like that.. My week hasn’t been very good.. Studying was difficult, I just can’t retain information even if it’s something that I like. I hope I did good on my Art History exam today, essays are fun. I like writing, now that my exam is over, I want to write freely. I’ve been thinking about when I realized I was trans, and every time I could’ve realized it sooner. I was soooo close the year prior with Lucky Star and WataMote. It was almost Tomoko. I found so much comfort in a character like her in 2022, and then I just forgot about her because I couldn’t find the anime. It was almost Tomoko. So very close, but it just didn’t click with me. It’s not healthy to think of any media that made me realize that I trans, I made the realization on my own. I like that Bridget Guilty Gear needed to spell it out for me. I’m also unsatisfied with the name “Marisa”, but I’ll probably get over it again. I was thinking about interacting with people that weren’t you in 2023, I posted a picture of myself, and someone, Kat, I still remember her, replied with “gonna tell my kids this was the ring”. And I thought about that really hard last night and I could’ve given myself an actual name right then and there, Samara, the girl from the American version of The Ring. I really, really do not like the name “Aya”. It makes me so unhappy to think that I just went with the flow on things. Another thing, when you came into my life, I suppressed an important part of me. I don’t know why. It caused me to hurt myself and others around me. Important others around me. Important. I’m actually, actually truly in my heart my heart I’m bisexual. I really can’t help it. I still prefer girls and yuri obviously but I love boys too. Like I was watching video the few days (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8iCNngaWOnY&pp=0gcJCYsCo7VqN5tD&ra=m) ago and at 17:02—— he’s pretty…. I’m really not okay in the head. I love Tomoko. My thoughts are disconnected as always..
As for the suppression of you being bisexual, I truly do not know why you'd do so. If I didn't tell you, or you didn't know, I'm also bisexual. I have been ever since around the time I started dating you. I mean, before then, I had dated at least one guy. (albeit online only) I wouldn't really judge you over something like that, or judge you in general. That's not the sort of thing I'd do. I love you, regardless of what your name is, or sexual/relationship orientation is. And if you enjoy writing, maybe start writing something of your own? Maybe a journal or dream diary or something of the sort. I used to do text dream logs but they've transitioned into audio logs as I got more comfortable using my voice again. I feel like something like that could possibly help you. It personally helps me think more creatively, whatever that means. Anyways. Please don't feel the need to suppress or hide anything from me if you're willing to share it. I'm well past the point of judging you over tiny or insignificant things.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U8DXneotROQ&ra=m
I feel like I'm tomoko in that video half the time, constantly needing reassurance.