It’s okay to say that I’m not ready yet, but this is something that needs to be done. You’re still following me on YouTube, and I know where to find you if need be. It just hurts, but I know I’ll be perfectly fine next week, like how I was last week. I think I’d be completely aromantic if not for you. One last yuri art to send to you: https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6256058 See you around, Rachel.
There's always my twitter accounts. If you don't remember my personal ones, I'm sure you can remember the one I took over for you, after july. If not, then I'm sure you can find my Strawpages. https://adachireionline.straw.page is the one I use for everyone that isn't you. So you can probably just message that one. I won't be checking it nearly as frequently as I once have, so forgive me if I don't respond as fast as I usually do. I like the art you sent me. See you around, Marisa. And thank you.
If that'll be all, I'll delete everything now.
https://youtu.be/2n_T9K4BErA
Really? Thank you. I’m worried that I may anger or upset you if I think about leaving, like what happened in January. Will you be okay without me? Neither of us will have someone to really vent to, unless you talk amongst your friends about your problems. What would you do with this place if I left? My relationships have been getting better these past few months, and college is also a lot to deal with. Although I try to see positives in things, the past two weeks, I’ve been really upset at the low points of our relationship. Upset at you, upset at me. I really didn’t like it when you said recently, “They wouldn't make those things if they didn't want you to keep your hair healthy.” That’s just so close minded, I thought “do you want you use lead paint as well?” I think it’d be best if mutually, we went our separate ways. I’ve also become more disinterested in romance at all. I don’t really feel romantic attraction towards anyone. I’ll feel a little lonely without you at times, but I think it’s better to be apart from one another, as well as safer. It might be different now, but your Discord status thing said that fate guided you. I don’t know if that was just something you thought sounded cool, or something that you actually believe in, but if we actually encounter one another in real life one day, I’d be open to sit down with you and have a more in depth and serious discussion about this.
When it comes to you, I don't really get angry. I've known you for long enough to not really feel that anymore. I've lived life long enough to learn to forgive. I'll be fine without you, but it'll certainly sadden me to see you leave. I'd be open to staying friends, but I'm not sure if that's what you want. As for this place, and the straw page, they'll be deleted. I don't want temptation to come back to me and force me to look back on sad memories. As for the egg thing, I was just in an awful mood that whole week, and hated everyone and everything, including myself. Sorry if I made you feel upset in any way. I'll be okay with fully separating. I doubt we'll meet in real life, with you in New York, and me in Florida. And I doubt you'd want to meet with me anyway. I'm a lot let composed in real life, and it's a lot harder to detach myself emotionally when it's in real life. Again, it's your choice. Sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused you, throughout our relationship. I'm not saying this because I want pity. Thank you for being you. And I hope, if nothing else, that I've been a good friend to you. I won't say anything about love, since I feel like that'll feel like I'm begging for you to not leave.
I’m sorry for not saying anything, if you are actually worried. I’m just really busy and a little stressed out with college. I’ve got a lot of work to do. I’ve also been thinking about our relationship, with this feeling of being free when not talking to you for a lengthy amount of time. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7205267
I wasn't really concerned. I just thought you were going through something in college. I checked everyday, obviously. What about the relationship? If you want to leave, then I won't say no. You're your own person. It's up to you, Marisa.
The thing is, I don’t have any eggs. I haven’t used any. There are eggs in the fridge, they’re not mine, so I haven’t used them. I’m not gonna look at the ingredients to shampoo and keep putting that in my hair. So I just don’t do anything to it. I’ll get raw eggs next week. You can stay in the Hair Matrix if you want, I just want to spread the good word.
If that's how you want to be, then I won't stop you. But if something bad happens, then I don't want you to blame me for it happening. I still think it's a dumb idea, but if you choose to go through with it, then so be it. Don't be surprised when you get some weird looks for saying you put raw eggs in your hair. (I don't mean to be rude when I say that)
I’m sleepy here as well, so my response won’t really be proper either.. You absolutely shouldn’t be using shampoo nor conditioner for your hair. Seriously, raw eggs under cold or lukewarm shower for around ten to fifteen minutes is the way to go. And I think you being tired might’ve made you misread what I wrote. Besides that which we can go in depth more on later, it should not be overlooked, I’ve been getting back into Yume 2kki, and I’ve been thinking of creating my own fan game, again, this time not out of negative emotions. I really like this world author ( https://yume.wiki/Category:Yumebako ). I recommend seeking out wallpaper #730. Look at the requirements only, don’t spoil yourself on it. I think that whole journey and the two NPCs that are primarily interacted with in the worlds can be interpreted as a couple, so I see it as yuri. I’ve also played the fan game “Okuri” to completion on YNO. It’s another favorite outside of 2kki. It’s not very long. I have it up in another tab, I looked it up this afternoon. My Chinese Zodiac is the Rat. Yours is the Dog. I don’t know what that means. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7237248 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7239861
Marisa, I'm saying this because I love you, and want to see you happy. I think you should stop this whole "hairmaxxing" thing, because it's obviously having the opposite effect if it's causing you to lose hair from not using shampoo. Two raw eggs sounds like something some asshole on a forum would tell me to do instead of using shampoo and conditioner so that I'd mess up my hair. They wouldn't make those things if they didn't want you to keep your hair healthy. I completely understand that you want your hair to look and feel as good as possible, but this is not the way to go. I apologize if this sounds rude, but I'm saying this with the best intentions for you in mind. Anyways. I haven't played 2kki in a while. They keep adding more and more things to do, and it's getting overwhelming. Surprisingly, my image on the Collective Unconscious wiki for the Moth Imago is still up. I need to check the Yume Tsushin wiki for my images as well. I'll look into that wallpaper and see if I can get it soon. I think it's funny that my zodiac is the dog. I would've expected my zodiac to be the rat, if anything. It's funnier and probably fits me more.
I had a good morning, browsing through yuri art and telling you about this movie that I just watched and really liked, and then the rest of my day was just, bad… I need to get something specific again as a one time use in my 2D Design class, so I ask my grandma if we can go out and get it, Tuesday. And she offers that we go out for lunch as well. That’s fine, until we’re at her car and she asks to look at my hair. I’m losing hair. It sucks, but to be fair I’m not doing anything with it. Even though I stopped using shampoo months ago, I don’t have raw eggs of my own to use. And I haven’t been massaging my scalp consistently either. That’s all fine, it’s just that she says and insists that I use shampoo, like I’m crazy for not using it. I actually looked into this, she didn’t. So it’s that, which what starts the decline. I’m no longer in a good headspace, so when we’re at lunch, and my brother who tagged along asked me how the move was that I watched that night prior, I just say “Good” and nothing more. I just brush him off completely, even though on the inside, I really do want to tell him how much I loved that movie. And it kinda ruins the mood. And then later, I’m extremely depressed in the shower, getting ready to take a shower, I can let me emotions out a little in the bathroom where I have privacy. And then, after dinner, my father asks me about my hair, as I’m losing it, before leaning into asking me if I’m “still into that trans stuff”. I don’t remember how he worded it. I of course said yes, and he asks me why, and how I’m a woman, and questions like that. He’s not being mean about it, or at least he’s not trying to, but I genuinely have no answer. This is just me, it truly is. I’m just trapped in this body I’m not comfortable with. He doesn’t accept me telling him that I’m not comfortable as a boy. To be fair, again, I’ve done no research into the science or whatever on why this just happens to some people. I can’t explain my existence, and anything that I once knew, I’ve forgotten. And then, what I don’t like, is he starts saying that I apparently saw that these trans people were being, harassed and whatnot, and that I chose to be a part of that? I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it was so weird and did not at all apply to me. He also said that I’ve never had thoughts of wanting to be a girl when I was little, no memories of it, which also isn’t true. I have plenty of memories, wanting to explore those thoughts, but being scared of what others would think, and suppressing them back down. I didn’t grow up with him around me like how a father should be around his child, unfortunately, so he’s not really going to see that part of me at all. Afterwards, I went upstairs, and eventually tried to go to sleep feeling miserable. I had trouble sleeping, and had a bad day of school Wednesday, being unable to focus on anything, not wanting to do anything, which also bled into today a little. Not a good day to have while also having a lot of assignments to worry about, I still feel really upset.
Even if you're trying to grow out your hair as much as possible, I still think you should give it basic care, such as shampoo and conditioner. If only just so that you keep your hair so that it doesn't fall out at this moment. I use shampoo and conditioner and mine feels fine. I don't brush my hair, so it's a bit rough, but aside from that it's decent long hair. I don't know why your father is still going on about rejecting you being trans, but it sounds like he's just stubborn. Sounds like my Dad. And being trans and seeing how they get harassed shouldn't make you want to hide who you are. Everyone gets harassed, so it's not like much is different. I'm sorry for the short response, my head is just very foggy at the moment. And I'm very sleepy. And apologies if I didn't address anything specific that you wanted me to address.
Last night, I watched a movie called Cosmic Princess Kaguya!. It occurred to me that all my favorite movies are weird. I had sent you fan art of them before, so I really wanted to see where the characters came from. It’s a fun, cute yuri movie, and I’m glad it’s the first movie I watched as being eighteen! It was so good, I had trouble sleeping because I was too happy and excited… Kaguya is sooo cute! I wish I was bubbly and upbeat like her, but unfortunately I just can’t be happy like that right now. I prefer being more soft spoken and quiet anyways. I also really wish I looked like her, which I can recognize is not a healthy thought to have. If I had the opportunity to get a body like Kaguya’s there’d be no hesitation! I’m getting serious body dysmorphia from her… Besides that, it’s immediately become one of my all time favorite movies! Please watch it!! Upon waking up, I spent forty minutes looking at yuri art for the main couple. I’ve combed through all of it on Safebooru! Just like the movie, I’m sad that it ends… https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6869763 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6797171 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6774036 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6665324 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6661780 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6598449 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6558000 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6459145 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6430921
I honestly had no idea about the particulars of Princess Kaguya, I thought it was a series.. I've been meaning to check it out ever since I saw them on twitter, but kept forgetting the name of the anime, and the characters. It seems really cute and I'd love to watch it eventually. I got stuck playing minecraft over the "weekend" (Monday and Tuesday) on that server alpharad posted a video about recently. It's been really fun, if a bit grindy. I'll certainly watch that movie when I can, though. Sorry for the late response. I like that second to last image. I'd like to sleep with you like that.
When I’m upset at a video game, I usually stop playing altogether. I woke up feeling depressed. I have today and Tuesday off. I have a lot of work to do. It feels a little overwhelming. A lot of writing. I would like to try managing my time well, but focusing is difficult for me. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7226074
Celeste isn't a game I could just put down. I needed to complete it. I don't know why, but I just needed to. I have today and tomorrow off too, which will likely be spent on the computer. At least I'm off of work for now and don't need to worry about staying up too long or sleeping for so many hours. If I'm playing a game that I know I can complete, but haven't yet, I'll push myself so that I complete it.
It’s alright. If money isn’t a problem for you, then you could buy the game. But you might not enjoy it if you’re not a fan of the genre. I didn’t look too into it, but Bipolar Disorder seems relatable based on an overview and seeing its symptoms. If I don’t have it, I fear it’s something that could happen to me in the future. With getting sick, one of us could take care of the other if need be. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=3728824
It's really just an issue of skill. I'm no good at a lot of 2d platformers. I couldn't tell you how I ended up beating Celeste, but I managed it. Long nights and plenty of rage induced tears. I don't know why I cry when I get that mad, but it just happens. My brain integer overflowing the anger into sadness or something, I dunno. And I hope you don't end up with it, because I already hate how my emotions can fluctuate so quickly. That's probably why I'm so easily set off, but forgive and/or forget quickly. And, as long as I have enough time off, I'd like to take care of you when you get sick. You probably won't have to worry about me being sick unless I eat something bad. I feel like my cream of mushroom, ground turkey and rice could be good for sick people. It's nice and filling, and plenty of nutrients, I think. The other meal wouldn't work, since that requires chewing. Depends on the sickness level, I suppose. I was thinking of this one lady in Apothecary Diaries, where she was laid in bed due to illness, and her servants kept trying to feed her these huge meals like lobster and such, which she would just choke on. And then the main character gave her rice porridge, and she was able to eat that. That level of sickness.
Robbed in an alleyway or something? Lately, I’ve had a “believe in second chances attitude”, like Steven Universe. So I’ll have to disagree on that, as cruel as they were back then. I have a history of being picked on throughout my time in school, but I was a bit of a jerk as a kid, I think I’m like that even now, even when I try not to, or don’t mean to be rude. I think the world was just balancing itself. I also used to get sick frequently. The last time was in December of the ninth grade. My headache was so awful I wanted to die. During lunch, the cafeteria was loud, as it usually was. I tried putting on a music album I liked, to drown out the noise, but that immediately made it worse. Penguinism by Shigesato Itoi. I even tried climbing stairs to the roof, I wanted to throw myself off the building, it was that painful. There was a locked gate blocking the last flight of stairs. When I got home from school, I walked up to my room, and collapsed on my bed. Last year, after a week in the hospital, I was undeservingly sent home. I had a quiet summer, watching music videos on YouTube on the TV. I also beat Minecraft on the Nintendo Switch, one of the least fun games I’ve ever played. I’ve always wanted to play it on the computer. With the Nintendo Switch, I got my account working this week, and I got a new seven day free trial for the online service out of it. I’ve become addicted to Super Mario Maker 2. Do you have that game? Currently, I can’t stop playing it. I’m surprised I have seventy levels uploaded, it doesn’t feel like that much. I’m embarrassed about some of them, but I don’t want to delete them. I feel like I’d be deleting a part of, when I was happier, I think. Anyways, any dream of you, whether it paints you in a positive light like this morning, or a negative one like a few days ago, undoubtedly has meaning.
I only said that because I can't forgive people who harm those who I hold dear. If I were any stronger, I could physically protect those, but the most I can do is support financially, considering how much money my job pays me. They were being needlessly cruel to you, and so they deserve something of the same magnitude to happen to them. Even if you were a jerk, it doesn't mean that you should be beat up for it. If I were there, I'd be more than happy to take that in your place. I'm built a bit tougher, I imagine. I'm not really surprised about the getting sick part, considering it's in the far north. I would rarely get sick, but the times I did were awful. I felt as if I were going to die a few times, but it passed. Thankfully I rarely get headaches, even when sick. But, as always, when they do come they are debilitating. And it always puts me in a sour mood. Especially with my sensitive ears, any loud noise could set me off. I probably have bipolar disorder, if I'm really thinking about it. Or some strain of it. I'm happy that the door was locked to the roof, otherwise we'd likely not be talking. I imagine that I'd be much more lonely and more of a shut in if I hadn't talked to you. I've heard not much good about minecraft on the switch. The performance being bad and such. And bedrock version having an unbelievable amount of bugs, so much that people call it "bugrock" instead. It's much better on computer. And I can buy Mario Maker 2 if it means that I get to play your levels. It's not like I'm struggling for money at the moment. But most of my games were ones like Rhythm Heaven and Splatoon Raiders. I'm not big on 2d platformers after completing Celeste (only got to the summit, any of that core of the mountain stuff is too much for me.) I wish there were an easier way to decipher what dreams truly mean. Guessing can only take you so far. Sorry if I didn't address anything in particular.
Huh? No reaction to my vomit story? Were you just tired? Busy with work? I should’ve waited however long to tell you in person. Whatever. Anyhow, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a large group like that, and I wouldn’t expect you to have been either. I remember once I got pushed to the ground once in elementary school because I told a kid, “jet fighters can’t die of jet lag.” I was warned about it by my childhood friend, but I couldn’t believe that his friend would get so angry over something so weird. Thinking more now, I did get punched a lot on the bus in eighth grade, simply because I wasn’t liked. On the last day of school, I was beat up by several kids from the grade below me. Afterwards, I seriously thought about dying of suicide. Ah, anyways, I finished watching This Monster Wants To Eat Me a few hours ago, when I woke up in the middle of the night. It definitely is my second favorite anime, and I really want to read the manga. Madoka Magica is my favorite, I feel that it being an anime original makes it unbeatable. Yesterday morning, I watched episodes ten and eleven, and there’s a scene in episode eleven that initially reminded me of my father talking to me after my attempt last year, but then it went in its own direction, the opposite of my father’s, I think. I can’t stop thinking about that scene. I’ll definitely be reading Watatabe, that’s its shortened name, when I finish reading Jojolion. Oh, I just remembered I dream I had with you in it. I can still vividly remember what you look based on two photos. So, in the dream, I was in the left passenger seat of a car, and through the window, I saw you sitting in the back of another car, parked. You had your legs stretched out, playing on a Nintendo Switch. However, you looked up, and we locked eyes for a few seconds, both of us shocked, before the car I was in drove away. I later received a phone call from you, but I can’t remember what you said. I think that you look very pretty. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6232956 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6295553 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6631501 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=6355988
I'm sorry, I was so invested in telling my story that I completely forgot. I find it weird that no janitor or anything cleaned up the vomit. Usually one would immediately show up in my school. I don't really try to be in big groups most of the time, it's just that one friend is part of it, so i become part of it. And that's a really dumb thing to get pushed to the ground for. And I'm genuinely sorry that you had to go through that on the bus and in school. I hope those people get what they did to you back onto them. Karma and such. Robbed in an alley or something. I still need to watch Monster Wants To Eat me, after Apothecary Diaries. I think I'll be more open to watching anime once I get done with that, since once I watch anime, I tend to watch more and more until I burn myself out. Hopefully I can get around to Madoka and that anime before that happens. I'm curious, and you don't need to respond if you don't want to, but what happened after your attempt? All of the info I have is that your father got mad at you, and you were sent to a hospital for some time, based on the facebook post that everyone was sharing. Anyways. That seems like an interesting dream. I don't really know if there's a meaning to it, but based on what you said, I have a very strong feeling it does. And that does sound like something I'd do in a car. Streching out and relaxing on a game of some sort. One of these days, I'd like to call you. I can't really remember what you look like exactly, but I have a vague image of you in my head. Same with most people. It's hard for me to remember what my grandmother looks like too. So this is just normal for me. Depending on my strength, I might be able to carry you like in the 3rd image. And I'd like to sleep with you like in the fourth image. I don't have much to say about the other two.
I’d love to hear more stories from you, I could get more insight to you as a person. You were one to mess with teachers? I wouldn’t have thought of you like that. I’ll share the only story that I have on my mind right now. I’d rather tell you in person, to actually see and hear your reaction because of its absurdity, but I don’t mind saying it here. It’s no big deal. It’s short, and it’s also a school story. In the fourth grade, I threw up in the hallway, so I went to the nurse. I was the only kid there at the time. Around five or ten minutes later, another kid entered, for slipping on vomit. My vomit. He gave me a mean look as he walked by.
One story I've always remembered is back in middle school. This was when I was in a somewhat larger friend group, and, for some reason, I was considered as a leader of sorts. I never really tried to be in that position. Anyways, one day, in the football field outside of my school, where we would do PE and such, me and that group were playing together and had these big tires that look like they came off of a tractor. They definitely weren't supposed to be there, but we played on them anyways since it was near the end of the year. But the issue is, there was this one kid. I'll call him John. John was a bit weird, (saying that like the group I was with wasn't already the "weird kids" ) and a lot of the kids within the group didn't like him. He wore these studded knuckles gloves, like a biker. He was just too intrusive and generally disliked, even though I didn't really care if he was there or not. Anyways, he somehow got into a conflict with another one of the people in the group, and that caused an outburst, which a bunch of other people, including me, came over to check out. Another kid I was familiar, I'll call Jay (not his real name) was getting pissed off at how he acted, and was getting very confrontational. Of course, the group split them up, and somewhere in the conflict, I proposed a vote to exile John. In my mind, at the moment, I thought of it as a fair and democratic solution to the issue at hand. Of course, John got voted out, with about 4 people saying to kick him out, and only 2 I think saying he can stay. I didn't vote, being the mediator. Of course, John wasn't happy with this, so he came up to me and punched my ear with his glove. Obviously it hurt, but I wasn't bleeding or anything. I hadn't been punched or ever got into a fight before this point. And so I was sort of stunned. Then, Jay came up and tried to fight John, but someone held Jay back. Someone got a teacher and somehow, I didn't even get in trouble. The other two had to do some sort of drawing to get along thing together, and I was sent out of the office. I think it's a funny story, even if I was a bit rude back then.
I’ve heard that Jojo’s and One Piece’s manga have similar page counts, yet one ends up way longer than the other. Reading a description of your meal is making my stomach grow. It’d be nice to try. I’ve never played D&D, but it being a game where you can create your own character made me want to play when I was younger. I also want to say that last week, I used the ladies room when needing to use the restroom. It was inconsequential, no one was around, and I can’t imagine anyone would actually care. It was so mundane that I had forgotten, but despite that, I felt happy to use it compared to the other option, or a gender neutral restroom. I felt more aligned with myself. I want to sleep on top of you like this. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=5472139
I'd like to have you sleep on top of me like that. I think the pressure of another person could be calming. D&D is really only fun with the right group of people, and they have to be able to interact with everyone else nicely too. The group I used to play with were just people like me, bad at making friends. And then after a while, one became better at making friends and basically did a 180, becoming the kind of person I don't really try to associate with, and the other became more of a shut in/lone wolf type person. I had a long history with that first friend, which stemmed from a group 3, including me, teaming up to mess with the teacher. And then we all got sent outside because she caught on, but that just made us like... comrades? We became friends off of that. I have lots of much more interesting school stories I'd like to tell. The few that I can remember are so stuck in my mind, that I'll never forget them most likely. My work has gender neutral bathrooms, but gendered changing rooms. I feel like all bathrooms should be like the one at my work. It's just a corridor with bathrooms with fully closed off stalls with large doors. None of that peeking under or over nonsense. It's how a bathroom should be. I understand why the changing rooms are gendered though, but I don't exactly know why they can't just make the changing rooms the same as the bathrooms..