You coming all the way over here would be exciting, but a bit scary as well. Actually getting to be with you, I hope how you talk to me here and what you say does reflect on your real world behavior. You could be entirely a facade, but I believe you. I have hope. I’d like to get a driver’s license myself. Not that I like driving, it’s just unfortunately something that you need in America. That recent audio log of yours is still available, but I don’t want to download the file, so unless you find a way to make it listenable in the browser, it might end up being lost media. Not that I really mind though. And, I’m sure you’ll hear my voice again eventually. Because of that paper I wrote, and I’ve been listening to all those videos, especially Lute’s, I have the burning desire to write and edit together my own. I want to do a video on End Roll, because nobody really talks about it. It’s strange that it’s so underrated. And I have a few other games in mind, scratching at the front of my brain. But we’ll have to see if I can even write one video in the first place. I think I can. I need to start working on it soon, but I should wait until after my Art History exam. It’s also been awhile since I’ve sent you any yuri, I like doing that, getting to read your reactions to any artwork I send you. https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7124425 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7124195 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7120294 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7035020 And look, a yuri couple that has our hair colors and height difference. And maybe even clothing style? https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7123688 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7123695 https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=7123655
Obviously I wouldn't talk in such drawn out sentences in real life in less I'm rambling about something I'm obsessed with, but I can try. Especially with my whole speech thing, making me stutter a lot. But I don't try to fake who I am when I talk to you. You've seen my face, after all. Not much I can fake past that at this point. The last three images remind me of us a lot. And I imagine we'd be more liek the first image in real life. Me having a more tomboyish attitude. That's if I somehow get a better outlook on life and more motivation to go outside now that I'd likely have my own car. Unfortunately, there's damn near nothing where I live. There's the casino, like 30 minutes away. Which I can't even play at aside from the bowling alley. (I'm not really a gambler anyways)
Ray, what do you think of my level? https://youtu.be/ObAc8wZ8skI If the gameplay looks erratic, it’s because I spent all day making it and writing my paper. I was tried and a bit stressed out because I can’t upload videos on Sunday. Sundays are when new episodes of Goodbye, Lara air, and I just can’t prioritize my work like that. The show’s almost over, you should watch it already. I’m thinking I like Madoka Magica a little more, but it could go either way. Both shows are practically tied for being my favorite. This is a reminder to watch both. Anyways, I’m disappointed that I couldn’t use Ruins from Undertale as the background music, because the song is literally too big to fit into any hack somehow. Ever Higher still fits, and works as I originally wanted you to go ever higher in the level, like with the sub area and last Yoshi Coin. Vertical levels are more difficult to make, and it was clear that I’d be making it horizontal almost immediately. The music was selected to appeal to my classmates and most people taking a Visual Arts Major. Pulling music from OMORI and Deltarune, thinking “what are other queer people my age into?” I feel like an anomaly. Not only could I not get the song that I wanted, but there’s a typo in the second message box. Ironic how I made the level for my English class. I want to show you the paper I wrote alongside it one day. I want to sit with you and show you lots of things. I feel tired.
I'll make sure to at least watch Madoka Magica on my days off, since I got back into a game which takes a lot less attention to play, so I can definitely watch it on those days. I still need to actually watch it since I fell asleep due to it either twice or three times last time I tried. And the level looked fine, it looked like a decently standard Super Mario World level. I do think that the door leading to the boss should've been bigger, but I can't really remember if SMW actually had those doors. Like the ones they had in New Super Mario on the ds. But aside from that, it looked fine. And I watched the video as soon as it came out, while on the ride to work. I would very much like to see this paper, considering it has something to do with "Lunar Magic" as your description says. I'm close to getting my driver's license, so maybe someday I could drive to New York if I had enough days off. I'd like to do that someday, before we live together. I really hope that you'd like real life me. I try to be the truest to my self in the audio logs, so you can understand how I talk and express myself. I still haven't heard your voice ever since that day. I would like to hear it one of these days too.
It’s only been two weeks, not even, but I feel dissatisfied with college. I like my Art History class, and Drawing One is fine, but everything else feels like high school again. It doesn’t feel important, or like I’m learning anything advanced. I’ve just been a little more depressed this week than usual. I’ve also upset myself by thinking of even the smallest possibility that you could’ve ended up here with me. It’d be so fun and make college an infinitely better place. On top of that, I made my father angry yesterday by my own stupidity, something completely avoidable, he smacked me upside the head and I’m really disappointed in myself. I don’t mind being hit if I deserve it, and this was one of those instances. Being hit for shaving my body, two years ago, as an example, that’s not cool. Or the verbal abuse for my drawing last October, I don’t like that either. And yet despite that, I still love him. It’s weird. Deep in my heart, I love him just as much as I love you, as much as I love Brookfield. It’s be hypocritical to hate him. If I hate him, I’d have to hate you, and same the other way around. I think my relationships with the both of you are weirdly similar, but I’d have to think about it more. I want to love everyone, he, my father, preaches that the world isn’t fair, and then people are out to get me, be careful who you trust, all that stuff. And I know he’s not being cynical, he genuinely cares about me and is giving me a warning from his experience with life, but I still want to be kind to everyone, and even give second chances. And I want to ask you, Rachel, what do you think of him? It’s not fair that you have this negative view of him, he really is a nice guy. And it’s not fair that he has this negative view of you, you really are a nice lady. If anything, I’m the evil, who has put to complete strangers against each other. I’m sorry. It’s not fair for either of you. Less important tonight, I’d like to share a bunch of video essays with you, as you enjoy listening to them while you work. This video is what made me reach out to you tonight. https://youtu.be/IpHHSFF_CBY There’s this really good EarthBound analysis that I’ve been following since its start four years ago. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKWRRr3i9V5eL9if0HplvCvnpicwNFYWp&si=33TcnEjrZ0PiF7Nb The video author (YouTuber sounds odd to me) also makes other good video essays. This… “video author”… that sounds weird too, is funny, his EarthBound Zero video being a favorite of mine. http://www.youtube.com/@Lute01 And lastly, I listen to these guys’ YIIK review on repeat, you can’t make me not relate yo the characters, objectively, I see myself in all of them, the good and bad, mostly bad. http://www.youtube.com/@RunningShine That’s all for now, Ray. I love you.
I'm not exactly sure on how I feel about your father particularly. I've really only heard bad things about him aside from the times you defend him just after saying what he's done wrong. So it's hard for me to have a strong opinion one way or another about him. He's your father. I kinda think he's an asshole at times (like when he punishes you over the smallest things) but I also think that he does genuinely care about you, as a father should for his daughter. It does seem he has a cynical view on the world though. I understand that you saying all of those bad things about him is just venting for the most part. And I'm sorry that you feel unfulfilled at college. I hope that you learning what you are helps you get a better foundation, and allows you to create even better art in the future. I believe that's what college is for. Some classes have foundations at entirely different levels, but a lot of the "learning" in art is simply trial and error, as unfortunate as it may be. It may sound corny, but every great artist started somewhere, probably doodling stick figures on their paper at school, or whatever they had back then during the renaissance. I hope that you learn to enjoy your experience at college. I love you too, Marisa. I'll take a look at those videos later. Thank you for contacting me.
My apologies, but I am not out of the house, so we’re still stuck like this. College is really close by, and I am not ready to leave yet, despite wanting to. My plan is to be out of here a year after college ends. My strong feelings of hatred towards you come from the frustrating early stages of our relationship. There’s nothing that can be done about it, but it will for every bother me, and bring intrusive thoughts when I try to think about you, although I’ve been getting a bit better with it. I’m happy that’s my friends are doing okay, and that they miss me. I worry that I may never get to talk to them again. I’ve also been worrying about time management, balancing college assignments, with wanting to get a job, and not knowing what to do in my free time. I have a strong desire to animate Chapter Forty-Four of Shimeji Simulation. But I also want to listen to music, play video games, make levels for video games, read, everything. Chapter Two of Fragments of the Layered City gave me a new obsession with eels. I think they’re cute. And I liked Chapter Three. I’m thinking right now, that each chapter will have its own set of characters, although that’d get difficult to write for. The android girl reminded me of you. Unrelated, my brain is a mess, but my two favorite Touhou girlies have been voted as most popular this year. I’m happy to find out about that. (https://youtu.be/xkbAKAlB0oo) They helped me realize that I’m trans. (Cute reimari video —> https://youtu.be/s0e5WY6l8Uw) One last thing, if I had plans to go to this college, two years ago, would you save up the money to get in and have a dorm here if I asked you? I keep fantasizing about it. It’d be nice to take classes together, study together. Maybe staying at your dorm over the weekend to cuddle. I’m wondering if something like that could’ve been possible? I think it’d cost too much for you… That should be all for now. I love you, Ray.
I fear that college is likely far, far too much for me to handle, money wise. If I could, I absolutely would. Without a second thought. I've only just started building credit, so I doubt any banks or anything of the sort would be willing to loan me the amount of money required for me to even get a year there. I wish I could, really. A lot of things are happening as of late, so it's barely possible for me to even move out. And then a few years from now, I might not even be in florida anymore, due to my grandmother's health complications. It's very likely that I could move back to Georgia, and live in the house that she once lived in, since it's possible that my parents will give the house to me and my brother. I don't really know how the whole.. "job" situation would be, considering I've really run out of options up in Georgia. And the whole doxxing incident a year ago. And I'm sure if you get a job, you'll be less worried about what to do in your free time. It certainly helped me. I honestly get incredibly depressed if I don't have something to do. I'm sure that you'll be able to talk with your friends again, once you move out of that house. I apologize about the earlier stages of our relationship. If I wasn't so.. the way that I am. I'm sure that you'd be happier with me. Thank you for sticking with me. I would've truly loved to go to college with you. And thank you for responding. I love you too, Marisa.
Shimelie and Kim still remember you, and are happy to see that you are doing alright. Shimelie says that he misses you too.
Please. I just need a way to contact you without waiting for a whole week for a response. Just to know you're okay. And that you haven't decided that I'm not worth the trouble. Just a phone number, or address, or account. Anything. Hell, even an email works.
My first week of college was good. I felt alienated though. I wasn’t nervous about my classes, thinking on Monday, “My clothes look boring” or “I don’t have any friends.” I guess that’s a good thing. At least five percent of students looked like they all went in and out of the same Hot Topic. I’m envious of them. I want to go to that Hot Topic. I’m not completely alone, as I saw classmates from my graphic design class. I’m almost broke, spending money yesterday and today on Uber rides. I got an eScooter, so I’ll be able to go to and fro with more leeway. I also spent almost one hundred dollars on renting Art History textbooks. I really want a job, I have a few options close by to me. I’ve spent my free time in the library, checking out the manga series “Nana”. I want to get through it before more assignments start coming in, but the protagonist, Nana K., has become agonizingly relatable, so it’s a little hard to read at times. She’s up there with Tomoko Kuroki (anime only, I’ve heard she gets better in the manga, but I haven’t read it yet). It’d be my third favorite manga, but I had read both chapters of Fragments of the Layered City yesterday and this morning, and I already trust that Tsukumizu will write and draw another beautiful story, although I was initially hesitant about the idea of a prequel. With college becoming very important, I don’t think we’ll be able to talk at all. I should be focusing on my work, not to say that you aren’t important. My feelings of you fluctuated between intense love and hate this week, but I think I want to be with you until the end. Also, because I was thinking about them on Wednesday, can you tell Shimelie and Kim that I’m okay? Don’t get them freaked out or anything, just let them know I’m doing alright. I really do miss them. I think you should send them, and anyone really, this video. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DBG0EfoQTrc&pp=ygUVSGFpcm1heHhpbmcgdGllciBsaXN0&ra=m Thank you in advance.
I'm happy to hear that you're at least not having a horrible time in college. Also, I assume now that you're out of that house, you'd have better ways to contact me, no? I'm sorry, but I still want to at least somewhat keep in contact with you. I would love to hear about your journey through college, considering I'll probably never do it myself until many years from now. You're becoming better of a person than me, I can say that for sure. If you don't mind me asking, why did your feelings fluctuate at that time? If it is something that I have done, please, tell me. I want to become a better person, if even just to make you slightly happier and more satisfied with me. I'm happy that you've decided to stay with me despite all of that though. Truly, thank you. I will let Shimmy and Kim know that you're doing fine. Thank you for contacting me. And I'm sorry for the incredibly late response. If I could somehow send you something in order to help your time in college, please. Let me know. I want to see you thrive in college. Anything at all.
Good morning, Ray. How did you spend last week? Today, I start my first day of college. I’m still a little nervous.
I spent last week mostly wasting time. It was a nice break from work, though. I still have about two days before I actually have to go back. And I'm sure you'll do fine in college. I don't think something like that can beat you. Especially if you aren't doing anything like.. engineering.. I've heard that is one of the most hellish courses out there.
Oh, did you get a new phone?
Yes, I've had it for a while ever since I got my job. My pixel wasn't charging right and so I decided it was time to get something else. And then when I ordered it, I guess I got lucky and got the "pro" version of my phone when I just ordered the normal version.
How long is it? My browser is unable to play the audio file. You might have it in the wrong format.
I don't really know which file type google drive can play. It was aac at first, and then I converted it into mp3. It still won't work. The only time it was "easy" was when I was using my Pixel phone.
Audio log is up. It's just a lot of me bitching, basically. Sorry about my voice.
Okay, okay. I get it. You could always dig around the internet and find some weird, old, or both games to play for a day, not even finishing them. I played SpongeBob SquarePants 3D Obstacle Odyssey and Sam & Max: Hit the Road in March, only finishing the former. Two days ago I spent over an hour downloading and setting up Puella Magi Madoka Magica Portable only to play it for about an hour, and I probably won’t play it again, despite loving it, because I don’t have the time for RPGs. And if you ever get the time for books again, I’d recommend No Longer Human. I only know three games that you play and I just imagine you playing those three, maybe not Deltarune, over and over again, and that reminds me of myself when I was little, which I don’t like. I’m sure you play a lot more than that anyways.
I do play other games, I just tend to fall into loops when I get "depressed" or whatever is going on with me. And I'm not too fond of old old games. I saw a game recently, and will try to play that tomorrow/today, since it seemed interesting. It's a sort of freeform automation game. I'm a huge fan of factory type games and putting entire machines together to achieve a goal. Something about it is very satisfying. I say that, despite not playing factorio much because I'm not a fan of the gameplay. It feels like the games I play are like, watered down factorio. I'll talk about it more on the log. I know you said you wanted me to make one, but I'm not really sure now. Maybe it's just how I'm perceiving the way you're talking. I don't know.
I’d rather watch an analysis on a piece of media than say a let’s play, although that might only apply to video games, but I do think you should watch movies as well. I also think you should make… something. Anything, any creative field, rather than just consuming media. Even if it’s not big. That’s always bothered me. Everyone else that I’ve talked to on the internet has had some sort of passion or art to pursue, and you, don’t really do anything. Surely you can pencil in the free time to at least think about something like that. Speaking of which, do any of those ““friends”” actually care that I’m gone? With how the internet is, I really doubt that they even remember me.
I can't really "make" things right now, not in the mindset or environment I have at the moment at least. My desk is only big enough to barely fit my computer setup, and I need to save up to get moved into another house. Once I have that freedom, I'll be more than happy to pursue some sort of calling or past time that isn't just playing video games. It's just in my cramped room, I can only store and do so much. I used to love to read books. I just don't really have the time these days. I need to work, or else I get forced back to my old house. I cannot go back there. And I have gotten dms about you, but they've mostly stopped. A majority are around the time you disappeared most recently, which I think was the twitter account? I don't really remember. I'm not in a very good headspace at the moment, sorry. I'll try to make an audio log tonight.
Try making a schedule for yourself. I want to watch movies more often, here are two that I’ve watched and liked recently. https://youtu.be/BDdyKWZrdng https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pCWMcpTreKo&pp=ygUJS2lja2Fzc2lh&ra=m
I do sorta watch "movies" it's just that they're super long video essays. One I'm watching right now is about four hours long.
Aww, how cute! The week is almost over, how have you been with your attention span? https://dynasty-scans.com/images/39685?tag_id=5113
I'd say it's at least slightly improved as a result of me playing terraria. That game requires a lot of focus to get even the smallest things done. I promise I'll get around to watching what you've suggested me soon.